Title: Merry Christmas from the Family
Fandom: CW RPS
Pairing/Characters: Jensen/Jared, various members of the Ackles and Padalecki clans. Special guest appearances by Sandy McCoy and Chrisitan Kane, everyone's favorite red neck.
Notes/Disclaimers/Summary: Home for the holidays isn't always what it's cracked up to be. This is all fiction. I have no idea what any of these folks are like and this is mere speculation inspired by rumors of certain holiday plans. All characters outside of immediate family only live in my imagination. Title and themes inspired by my favorite Christmas song of all time, "Merry Christmas from the Family" by Robert Earle Keene, which you can download here
Special thanks to ethrosdemon
, this story is just as much theirs as it is mine. Thanks also to brynwulf
for eleventh hour hand holding. Thanks for telling me I don't suck, sugar.
Merry Christmas from the Family
Okay, so first things first. This wasn’t Jensen’s idea. At all. But saying no to Jared is kind of like kicking a puppy. Saying no to Jared while his hand is wrapped around your dick is like…kicking a blind nun’s seeing-eye puppy after he just saved said nun from a fire or something. But Jared is a conniving motherfucker, with puppy eyes, and yes, Jensen does sometimes think with his dick, thanks for asking.
And this, this is just gonna end badly. Don’t say he didn’t warn you.
“How was the drive?” Jensen asks as he ducks behind his parent’s garage and lights a Marlboro Light like he hasn't since he was 16.
“It was fine! I took the I-20 and stopped at the Grand Canyon! IT'S HUGE, Jensen,” Jared the geologist informs him. “Meg! Don’t give Harley that peanut butter. He’ll be fartin' all night.” Jensen can hear Megan laughing and the dogs barking in the background. “He’s sleeping in your room tonight!” Jared laughs and Jensen smiles in spite of himself. “Sorry, where were we?”
“I was about to talk you out of coming over here.”
Jared ignores him. “So we're headin' up in the morning, gonna stop at Jeff's first and ooh and ahh over the second home his little brother with no goals bought him, then head over to your neck. My parents are totally excited. Wait 'til you see what they got you!”
Jensen thought he’d imagined how awkward this was gonna be, but there’s a reason he’s an actor and not a writer.
The Padaleckis are all here. In his parent’s living room. There are not two, but four dogs (Jared’s momma’s schnauzers just couldn’t be left alone for a few hours) running around the house and his mother’s taken up a defensive position between her antique Christmas village display and Sadie’s whip-like tail. Her hand flutters nervously at her throat, absently touching the gold cross there. He thinks she might even be praying. Her prize Persian, Captain Jack, is crouched underneath the Christmas tree, hissing at anything that moves. Jensen can't really blame him. Meghan and Mackenzie are trading dorm life war stories as they wander into the den, talking faster than Jared after two pounds of See's candies.
"So, Alan! Jared tells me you're an actor as well," Jerri Padalecki offers as an icebreaker. Sherri sits beside him, Jared's bright eyes shining from her kind face as she looks to Donna for encouragement. A wan smile passes over her face and she takes a small step away from the display.
"Well, I uh, you know, do a little community theater here and there." Jensen cringes. They've pretty much quit talking about his dad's acting ever since Devour wrapped. If they'd never talked about it again, Jensen might've died a happy man. No such luck, apparently. "But our boy here's got that department covered for the family, I suppose." Jensen's shoulders ratchet down one notch, two notches when Jared enters the room from behind him, hands laden with long necks as he touches a casual elbow across Jensen's shoulders as he passes.
Jared hands beers to all the menfolk, tells the ladies there's a pitcher of margaritas in the kitchen with their name on it and announces that it's about time they open presents. Jensen knows his momma will be washing the tequila out of the blender with bleach later but maybe, just maybe, he's found his way to a state of okay by the time he opens the monogrammed golfball washing machine the Padeleckis have given him. Jared's knee presses into his as he leans over and whispers, "I told you this was a good idea." Jensen humpfs and pulls on his beer. It's not over yet, but Jensen thinks that maybe possibly he might make it through this.
"Jenny!" Chris says far too loudly. Jensen holds his stupid iphone away from his ear and wonders how much weed his friend's smoked tonight. He let's Chris ramble on for a minute or two, something about cans of fake snow and his cousin going to three gas stations before finding an extra extension cord for the reindeer display on his mother's roof. "Merry Christmas, bubba. How's things south of the Red River?" Jensen gets as far as the punchline of one his dad's specially designed jokes for his current house guests before he loses his friend again. "Hey MOMMA," Chris shouts. "Why weren't Jesus born in POLAND?" Chris waits for the rest of the joke.
"Because they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin." Jensen can hear the BUH DUH - CHING of his Dad's delivery in his head. Chris chokes on laughter before repeating Jensen's words to whoever's sitting in his kitchen in Oklahoma. Guffaws and slapping knees resound through the line. Jensen sighs, for the hundredth time since he landed at DFW. "Hey Chris, Merry Christmas, I'll call you on New Years." Chris tells him he worries too fuckin' much before he says bye. Jensen clicks the phone off as the back door slams and he hides his cigarette for a second.
"Here you are." Jared announces as he comes around the garage to Jensen's hiding spot. He drags deep on the butt clenched between his fingers as Jared crouches next to him. He can hear his Dad's voice from the den. Hey Jerri, you ever hear the one about the Polak kamakazi pilot? Jensen groans, not wanting further proof of just how politically incorrect his father can get. At least he hasn't brought up abortion or the Presidential debates. He flew 48 successful missions. Jared's listening too and laughs a little. Jensen looks at him, horrified.
"I'm so sorry." Jensen tells him.
Jared shakes his head, looks at him, exasperated. "For what, dude?"
"You're kidding, right? They're terrible!"
"You worry too much." Jared tells him patiently. Jensen tries to tell him Chris said the same thing, but his words are too slow for Jared's "Come here." Jared reaches for him, his cold fingers finding purchase at the nape of Jensen's neck beneath the collar of his jacket. "Merry Christmas, Jen." Jared's lips are warm and his tongue tastes like Lone Star beer. Jensen lets himself be kissed and tries not to think what would happen if his mother decided to take the trash out right about now. A plan sparks in the part of his psyche not reptilian.
"Hey, wanna get out of here?" Jensen asks.
Jared grins, recognizes Jensen-with-an-idea voice. "What's cookin' in that brain of yours?"
Jensen stands on one foot to grind his cigarette out on his heel and buries the filter in a garbage can. He pats the pockets of his jacket and feels the rental car keys there.
"Come on. Wanna show you something." Jensen says over his shoulder.
Jared follows him to the car, stops on the sidewalk, and stares. "Really?"
"Shut up, it was the only one they had left at the counter." Jensen says, dismissively.
Jared laughs and pats the roof of the brand new Impala as he climbs in.
"Berkner High School, home of the fighting Rams!" Jensen holds his arms wide at center court, displaying the high school gymnasium they've just broken into to Jared, who's standing next to him, six pack of tall boys under one arm that it only took them two gas stations to procure. Take that, Kane. He breaks one off and hands it to Jensen, cracks his own and flops down on a stack of gym mats at the sideline. Jensen watches him sprawl. He's really starting to like this plan of his.
"So, this is the great institution that spouted you out into the world?" Jared asks.
"Yep." Jensen takes a knee next to him, intent on doing some sprawling of his own.
"I see elocution wasn't part of the curriculum." Jared muses.
"Spell elocution, fucker."
"E-L-" Jensen doesn't give him the chance to finish as he straddles Jared and kisses him. Jared mmphs in surprise and hauls Jensen in closer as Jensen works a thigh between his legs and presses in. Jared groans, needy, as Jensen rocks into him in time with slick thrusts of his tongue into Jared's mouth. Jensen's hands work their way between them and fumble at Jared's belt buckle before reaching inside and yeah, that's probably his favorite sound ever coming out of Jared's mouth right now. He gnaws at the tendon in Jared's neck just above his shirt collar as his hand slides up and down, thumb working over Jared's cock head. Jared's hands clutch at his back and then suddenly go completely still.
"Jared? You okay?"
"Uh, Jensen..." Jensen looks up at Jared and finds him staring at something over his shoulder. The hiss of static on a radio crackles and he closes his eyes and wishes for a Christmas miracle right about now.
"You boys, uh, separate and uh, put your hands out where I can see 'em," the security guard demands before calling in his status to dispatch.
"Jensen," Jared starts.
"Don't, just...don't, Jared."
Jared sighs as they pull up to the curb at Jeff's house. Jensen throws the car in park and leans forward to rest his head on the wheel. He feels Jared's hand on his back, tentative strokes. "It was, it was kinda funny, if you think about it." Jared says with a weak laugh.
Jensen keeps his head on the wheel as he turns towards Jared and stares at him with one eye, incredulously. "Funny? What about any of that was funny? What if they'd decided to arrest us, huh? Or even just recognized us?"
"Whoah, whoah. Wait a minute there. Who's idea was it to go in there in the first place?" Jared retorts, raises his hands.
"Well maybe if you'd been more quiet..." Jared opens the door then. Not waiting to hear what Jensen might say next. But Jensen's got a point to make, and enough beer in his brain to make sure it gets made, damn the consequences. Jared crunches through the frost on the lawn, making a bee line for the front door. "This was all your idea to begin with, Jared." Jared freezes in his tracks, hand on the front door knob.
"You're right, Jensen." He says low. "Maybe this wasn't the best idea, but maybe if you weren't a coward and a control freak," Jensen steps towards him, but Jared holds his hand out in warning. "Then maybe...nevermind. You're right, Jensen, about everything. Merry Christmas." He steps quietly into the dark house and closes the door behind him. Jensen shivers and turns back to the car, not at all like a coward.
Okay, so maybe this part was his idea.
See, Jensen loves his family, he does, really. But he also likes his life, the one that he has in Los Angeles, the one in Vancouver, wrapped up in the neat boxes he pictures in his mind's eye labeled 'home' 'work' and 'play'. The life that stays separate from the life his parents want him to have, the life his family expects him to have. It's not perfect, but it works for him. His parents (and SAG) don't need to know how much off the clock overtime he puts in whenever they're around. Everyone stays happy and no one has to worry about his eternal soul rotting in hell for liking dick on occasion. "Texas! It's a whole 'nother country!" Yeah, no kidding. He wonders if the travel and tourism board has Jasper on their points of interest list.
But then Jared came along and kinda blew that all out of the water. Of all the audition rooms in all the studios in Los Angeles, he had to walk into that one, or something. Told you he wasn't a writer.
"I don't do relationships." He warned Jared the first time he closed his hotel room door behind the two of them and pushed Jared onto the bed.
"I don't do guys." Jared responded, bravado everywhere but his eyes, which seemed a relief to him at the time. This was a phase, something Jared would get over the next time Sandy took the redeye up and bounced her pretty tits in Jared's face. Jensen's good at casual. And blowjobs. Showing the wet-eared new boy in town how to give one is more fun than a lot of things he can think of doing on a Saturday night in Canada. But then, and he really needs to get over this whole canine metaphor, Jared stuck around for more like an eager pup, wanting to learn the next trick. Wanting to nose the lid off of each of Jensen's carefully stacked boxes, just to see what was inside.
"He really looks up to you. At first, I was so jealous..."
"Sandy wait." Jensen reaches for the hand wrapped around her latte but hesitates, not sure exactly how he's ended up here with her. When she called to say she wanted to meet him, he thought maybe she wanted to plan a prank or something during her scene tomorrow. He doesn't think Jared will find any of this very funny at all.
"It's okay, Jensen. He's a good man. I think that's why he's so damn big, you know? All that love and happy just wouldn't fit into anyone else." She laughs. It sounds like tears. "Just promise me you'll be there for him. He won't understand at first..."
"You're an amazing girl, Sandy. He doesn't deserve you," he interupts.
She takes a sip of her coffee before looking back up. "I know you, Jensen." She eyes him steadily. "And I know he doesn't deserve a guy like you in his life. Prove me wrong, okay?"
Jensen spends the entire drive over to Craig's house failing to come up with some sort of apology. It's pretty much all he's been doing for the past few days, if he stops fooling himself for a second and admits it. When he called Jared up to tell him so, all that came out instead was, "Hey, my old buddy Craig is having a New Year's Eve party, wanna come?" He was relieved when Jared said sure, but now it's gone, turned tail in the face of Jared's stony silence in the car. Not that Jared's actually quiet or anything. He's spent plenty of time regaling him with post Christmas shopping debacles and how he'll never try ice skating again, thanks very much. It's all small talk though, Jensen knows. Knows how much hurt it takes to get Jared shut down to just niceties.
Jared leaves Jensen for the keg the minute they get inside. Jensen hangs his coat up in the hallway and watches him make his way through the crowded house for a moment before he's enveloped by hugs and back slaps from every direction. He thinks everyone in his Senior class might be here. By the time he's done with hellos and high fives and made it to the booze himself, Jared's standing in a round robin off the back porch where a bottle of Jack is going one way and a joint the other. He squeezes himself into the circle, six o'clock to Jared's noon and next to a cute blonde Jensen vaguely recalls from his Algebra class.
"Jen!" Jared exclaims, eyes bright courtesy of Tennessee and Mexico's finest. A few of the others nod in his direction as the blonde, Tammy he remembers, pushes the bottle into his hands. "Some of your old classmates here were just telling me some fairly interesting stories about you," he challenges.
"I'll just bet." He addresses the group. "Did they tell you about the time we toilet papered Principal Greer's station wagon?" Half of them laugh and fill in the blanks as he starts to tell the story. Jared listens intently as they move from one tale to the next. The bottle vanishes and gets replaced with another. Guitars come out and Jensen and Craig sing a rendition of "Sweet Child of Mine" he's sure to be hearing about on set if they ever go back to work and before he knows it, someone announces from inside that it's a quarter til midnight and people start moving indoors, cracking jokes about balls dropping.
"I gotta take a leak, man." Jared tells him as they pass through the kitchen. Bottles of champagne float by and Jensen grabs one and points in the direction of the back stairs with it. He's warm and loose as he takes the first step, Jared on his heels. He holds the door open for Jared who stumbles through, hand braced on the wall above the toilet as he fumbles with his zipper and Jensen closes the door behind them.
"Some privacy here?" Jared protests. Jensen sets the bottle by the sink and waves him off before unzipping his own pants and pissing in the sink. Man, he's spectacularly drunk. He tries not to think about Craig's wife cleaning the house tomorrow. "Dude, you are so gross." Jared informs him as he turns the tap on and splashes Jensen with cold water on what he considers very sensitive parts.
"Hey, watch it, ass!" He warns, splashing Jared back as he tries to tuck his dick back in his pants. Jared giggles and leans back against the wall, banging his head on the framed corner of a "If you sprinkle when you tinkle..." sampler. Jensen makes note of it, sure he'll be able to use it for ammo later.
"I love you." Jared says right then, without any preamble. A guy likes to be warned about these things.
"Fuck, Jay." Jensen reaches for the champagne bottle too late. Jared's got it in one hand, nudges Jensen back against the sink with his other and takes a swig. Jensen remotely wonders how he moved that fast, then wonders what else might have been in that joint.
"I wish you could see the look on your face right now," Jared muses. "Like a cat on a raft in the middle of a swimming pool. It's true though." He takes another swig, leans in a little closer, hips intent. "I don't care what you think about it. I just needed to tell you."
Jared slides to his knees. Jensen catches the bottle and takes a drink, more than a little shell shocked. Jared nudges at the still open fly of his jeans, breath hot. Jensen's hand finds his way into his hair, steadying the tremble in his fingers. "Wanna suck you now." Jared's hand works it's way past his boxers and frees his cock. It's all too much for him, but he's trapped and stoned and he can only groan in response as Jared licks him from root to tip before wrapping his lips around the head and sucks him deep as he goes almost instantly hard. His hips thrust involuntarily and Jared groans around his dick as he fumbles at his own fly, sucking Jensen down and back again. Hot heat bobbing over him.
Jared backs off and works him with his hand as he looks up, blissed out. Jensen can see Jared's dick moving between his fingers. He tips the bottle to Jared's lips and he sips, a small trickle of liquid leaks from the corner of his mouth as Jensen traces a finger over shiny lips. Jared winks and works his mouth up the side of Jensen's cock where the bubbles of the liquid still in his mouth burst in the weirdest sensation before he engulfs him again. The nearly empty bottle clinks dully on the rug as Jensen grips the edge of the sink behind him. "Gonna...Jared." He tenses as his hips thrust once more and he comes, shooting hot down Jared's throat.
Jared gets to his feet and flips Jensen around, rutting against the crack of his ass. He watches Jensen in the mirror. Jensen doesn't think he's ever looked more debauched in his life. "Wanna fuck you," Jared tells him and he can only nod in agreement. "Got any..." Jensen scrabbles at the handle of the medicine cabinet and finally, a Christmas miracle. An angel better be getting his damned wings right about now as he grabs the tube of KY and a condom from the box right at eye level as Jared rubs his thumb at Jensen's hole, fingertips brushing his balls.
With more prep than he thinks the look on Jared's face has the patience for and less than he probably needs, Jared pushes into him. One of Jared's giant hands grips his ass, spreading him apart while the other presses against the mirror from over Jensen's shoulder. Jensen leans against the arm next to him and breathes deep as Jared slides home. His dick found a second wind while Jared's fingers were buried in his ass and he works his cock as Jared thrusts deep, hitting him just right and making him feel every twist of his hips.
Somewhere below, people are counting down from ten and Jared thrusts harder, dirty words turning monosyllabic in his mouth as Jensen grinds back against him and Jared shouts, wrapping his hand around Jensen's and stripping his dick as he comes deep in his ass and Jensen can only follow. Their legs turn to jell-o and they collapse against the sink. Jared nuzzles at Jensen's nape as his forehead presses against the cool glass of the mirror.
"Happy New Year, asshole," Jared mumbles with a grin into his neck.
To reiterate, this was not his idea. At all. But to be fair, it wasn't Jared's either.
"Here, Jensen. Have some more biscuits," his momma coos. "You don't look so well, honey. I've been telling you for years that Craig boy was a wild one." She pats him on the shoulder and goes back to the kitchen. Jared's sister-in-law's kitchen, actually, where she and Sherri are making breakfast for everyone in both clans as the Cotton Bowl broadcasts from Jeff's plasma screen TV. He looks down at the plate of biscuits and gravy in his lap and over at Jared on the other end of the couch.
"Don't look at me, dude." Jared shrugs. "Hey momma, we got any Tabasco?" he shouts before digging into his own plate.
As the second quarter winds down everyone lounges in white gravy and sausage bliss. The smell of black eyed peas on the stove and a country ham in the oven wafts from the kitchen. Their sisters are wondering what the halftime show is gonna look like and debate with their brothers to see if they should switch over to the Gator Bowl. Jared's been slowly forced to Jensen's end of the couch since the game started as various Ackles and Padalecki rears have come and gone from the living room.
Jared's fingertips brush against his as his head drowsily sinks closer and closer to Jensen's shoulder, snoring softly. He wraps his pinky around Jared's for a moment and smiles when Jared's squeezes his just a little. His dad changes the channel, debate settled, and he looks up to see the score, but freezes when he feels his mother's hand on his head from behind the couch.
He twists his neck to look at her. Jared stirs and settles deeper into the couch next to him. Her eyes move to the top of Jared's head. She smiles and nods before stroking his head once more and returning to the kitchen.
"Told you you worry to much." Jared says sleepily. Jensen turns back around, catches Jared watching him.
"I know. Shut up and watch the game."