Log in

where my fangirl roams freely
Original Fic: Cupidity, PG-13 for adult situations 
30th-May-2007 04:17 pm

I don't know how to introduce or create a header for original fiction. I guess I don't have to, huh? Cool.

Avarice for something other than wealth was the challenge. This is what happened instead.

I left this unbetaed. My use of pronouns is nearly egregious, forgive me. I encourage any sort of criticism. I'm very thick skinned. 

“Good luck, fellow graduates. The world is your oyster. Don’t forget to keep a bottle of hot sauce in your pocket.” She waves one last time from the podium before turning and shaking the hand of her Dean.
“Inspiring speech, young lady.”
“It’s an honor, Dean Sampson. Thank you for choosing me.”
“Nonsense. There was never a doubt who this year’s student speaker would be.”
She pumps his fist once more, smiling brightly.
“Alright, students. It’s kickball today. Team captains are Angie and Shannon,” Coach announces.
The rest of the 7th grade girls lean against the chain link backstop behind home plate waiting to be picked for a team. Their numbers dwindle until one girl is left. Shannon rolls her eyes and points at her as Angie snickers.
The girl doesn’t seem to notice as she takes her place out in right field without waiting to be told so. She watches though, from beneath crooked bangs her step-mother cut with dull shears.
You can see everything from right field.
“I’ll be back in your lovin’ arms in 3 hours.”
He laughs. “I’ll be sure to tell the pilot that, sugar.”
“Would it help if I told you I’m naked?”
“If by helping, you mean helping make my dick harder? Then yes, you’re helping a lot.”
“I love you, and your dick.”
“I love all your parts too. 3 hours. The plane is boarding.”
“You know where I’ll be. Hurry.”
For the millionth time, she curses the Gods of Locker Assignment as she rounds the corner. 2:30 on a Fall Friday afternoon and team captain Mike Kelly has head cheerleader Dawn McCullough positioned with her back against lockers 17 and 18. Dawn idly traces a perfectly painted pink nail across the number 22 on the front of his football jersey as he dips in to whisper something in her ear. Her stomach flip-flops as she pauses, watches them with her breath in her throat.
She moves behind them and coughs quietly. Dawn makes momentary eye contact over his shoulder and tugs on his sleeve. They take a side step. She opens #18 and tries in vain to not hear the sweet things they whisper to each other. She’d bet her scholarship that in four years, Dawn will be living in a double-wide in Buena Vista Estates with two kids and married to the filling station mechanic while Mike sells cars in his dad’s used lot and drinks a fifth of Dewar’s every night, or something equally tragic. It’s the way of this town.
But the truth of it, that this is it for them, as good as it will ever get, doesn’t keep her from wanting what they have right now in this moment any less.
“Are you sure? I just - it’s so BIG.”
“But you love it, don’t you?”
“Yes.” She hesitates. “I do.”
“There’s room for a garden in the back yard. We can both have our own offices, with room left for house guests, and kids…”
She turns with a blush, smiles. “You said it first.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He admonishes with a wink.
“Okay, let’s get it.”
She hasn’t needed an alarm clock since they moved here. Nope. Not with the 5:30am Northbound freight train speeding past 15 feet from her bedroom window every morning. At least this rental is made of wood and not corrugated tin perched on cinder blocks. She gets out of bed, pads across the cold worn floor to the bathroom, wondering what her odds are for hot water this morning. The bathroom fixtures are so old, they don’t include a shower head, just an old ancient tub, leaky faucet, and a small plastic pail they all use to rinse off.
Her step-mom is making gravy out of lard and watered down milk when she comes to the kitchen. A plate of steaming canned biscuits sits on the table of the rickety dinette set. She plops down and looks out the kitchen window. Her dad’s truck isn’t in the white rock driveway.
“Did he call?” She asks. Her step-mom just shakes her head. She watches her shoulders slump just a little from the admission. A spike of empathy pokes its way out from somewhere deep in her chest. “He will. He always does.” Eventually.
“I can’t do this, mom. What was I even thinking?”
“That you love him and you deserve to be loved by him.”
Her daughter touches her veil nervously. She smiles, presses her palm to her girl’s cheek.
“I do. I do, momma.”
“Save those words for him, baby. Now lets get you going.”
She’s learned to tune out the beeps and pings and wooshes of the hospital machines and focus just on her voice. Her mother tells her everything she thinks she needs to know. But she’s 11 and knows she’ll never remember it all.
“Earn everything, darling.” Her mother tells her last. “But know that no matter what it takes to get it, you deserve it all.”

rl - cowgirl up
31st-May-2007 01:39 pm (UTC)
i hope this doesn't come out wrong, but people whose fanfic i like, i always wonder what kind of original fic they'd write, and if i'd like it as much. and yes, i do. this is fantastic - i like the structure, i like the, uh, i guess you'd call her the main character, i like the use of the prompt, i like the whole thing. it's really good.
12th-Jun-2007 02:37 am (UTC)
thank you so much, girl. i'm glad it made sense and that you could get behind it in so few words. i sometimes worry that in this sparse style, i pare things down too much. thanks for reading. i always look forward to your feedback
31st-May-2007 05:05 pm (UTC)
I really enjoyed the structure and the way it flows. ♥ You write pretty. *is jealous*
12th-Jun-2007 02:38 am (UTC)
thanks, sugar. i'm glad you liked.
31st-May-2007 07:27 pm (UTC)
“Earn everything, darling.”

Oh. Very nice.
12th-Jun-2007 02:39 am (UTC)
thanks! i'm glad that line stuck with you.
31st-May-2007 07:53 pm (UTC)
12th-Jun-2007 02:41 am (UTC)
thank you.
1st-Jun-2007 02:54 am (UTC)
Huh. I feel like I need time to just sit back and digest, as if I was just privy to snippets of things that are very personal and maybe not for others to know. It's so intimate, but lovely. Even in vignettes, it absorbs the reader.
12th-Jun-2007 02:43 am (UTC)
thanks! i'm glad you read and that you got that much out of it. i'm a firm believer in "an economy of words" type writing, but i worry that i pare it down too much sometimes. i'm glad it hooked you that way.
This page was loaded Feb 20th 2017, 4:11 am GMT.